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Posts Tagged ‘New Mexico’

It feels like I’ve been away a very long time from work. Today, I returned, hoping to create some sense of reality again since last week passed in a fog of disbelief and shock. No such luck. The entire day was surreal, from blow-drying my hair to parking on a crowded campus to answering questions about someone else’s spending habits to grocery shopping. Nothing seems quite real.

No word from Silver City but it would be so easy to lose myself in those daydreams and let all of this pass me by for another week or two. But how would you ever come back from that? With such a fundamental loss, how do you retreat, then come back to reality? When both my mother and father died, I took the proffered number of days (3) off, returning to work immediately. This time, I took longer, let myself be still and think about my brother. I still don’t think the grief of it has hit me, but at least I stopped for awhile to let it catch up. With my dad, it was six months till I cried. With my mother … well, that’s a story for another time. This is different. Our relationship was different. My grief is different. I am different.

It’s been a tough year so far….

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Updates

Had a long morning conversation with the Family Organizer this morning: My sister-in-law Sharon. We, of course, in our wisdom, discussed the family situation, both group and individual, in minute detail and diagnosed both the problems and the cures for each. [big sigh] If only they would listen to us!

The Family Fixer [Jim] is in Philadelphia at the “cabin” (you wouldn’t believe what some people call a cabin!) for a week after delivering Faye [Family Matriarch and all around mom] back to us from a month in California.

CA Thanksgiving 2007

With Thanksgiving behind us, we have to turn to plans for Christmas . . . the CA contingency is staying put this year and so are we — unless we get a call to head to New Mexico for job interviewing purposes. I made the first cut on the NM job; they emailed me to let me know they would be checking references next. If I make the next cut and get an interview, I’ll have to tell the rest of the family . . . until then, this is all on the QT from the clan.

I thought I was pretty safe writing about all this job stuff since this whole internet thing is so anonymous and “feels” very private, sort of like a private journal….but then, this morning, Sharon reminds me that her mom is an avid web-surfer and has been reading the blog! Hi, Gladys! Thank goodness it’s you — you understand why I haven’t said anything yet!

The blogs are just another way to connect…to our family, to readers, to people we don’t even know yet, to issues, to hopes and dreams, to fantasies and fears, our past, our present, our future. Tune in…it’s a scream!

Hope your Christmas planning goes well, and I hope I hear from some of you during this wonderful, very blessed season.


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Silver City Dreamin’

This week I applied for a new job — in New Mexico. What an ordeal! Not in terms of the application, but in terms of the inner turmoil it caused me — for weeks! Should I apply? Should I not? Maybe wait a year? The “what if’s” about killed me!

Do we ever know if we’re making the “right” choices? I don’t want to get all esoteric here, but it’s a question I keep coming back to . . . do our choices really matter in the big scheme of things? Certainly I understand we sometimes make choices that have immediate and long-term consequences, but generally, I think it’s just a choice . . . we don’t have immediate feedback on most decisions. Eating the piece of chocolate cake won’t kill me (today) but it will effect my blood sugar, and in ten years I might die from diabetes or a complication of it. My conclusion is that all we can do is the best we can do every day, every minute, every hour, and hope for the best.

I applied for a job this week — in New Mexico! Wow! I think I need to keep saying it so I can begin to believe I opened that door . . .

To see the job description, look here.

Wish me luck — whatever that means!

Happy Sunday!

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